What birds spend all their time on their knees?
Birds of prey!
What did they call the canary that flew into the pastry dish?
What do you call a very rude bird?
Why couldn't anyone see the bird?
Because it was in da skies! (disguise)
What kind of birds do you usually find locked up?
What kind of math do birds like?
Girl: One of my ex-boyfriends sounds like an owl.
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant?
Because he had a very big bill.
How do you get a raven to stop calling?
Take away its cell phone?
What do you do if a bird shits on your car?
Don't ask her out again.
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
What do you get when you cross a bird and a lawn mower?
Why does the bird bring toilet paper to the party?
Because he is a party pooper.
What do you get when you kiss a diseased bird?
What does a bird like in his soup?
Why is a sofa like a roast chicken?
Because they're both full of stuffing!
What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek?
What do birds like about outside?
What do you call a sick eagle?
What happens when ducks fly upside down?
They quack up!
Why did the doves miss the wedding?
They were under the feather.
Why did the owl, owl?
Because the woodpecker would peck 'er!
What does a farmer call an escaped bird?
a loose goose.
What flies through the jungle singing opera?
The parrots of Penzance!
What do you call a bird that kicks your butt?
How do you get a cut-price parrot?
Plant bird seed!
How did the bird break into the house?
With a crow bar.
How do blue jays stay fit?
What kind of bird runs the church?
What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework?
What is a parrot's favorite game?
Hide and Speak!
What books did the owl like?
What kind of bird doesn't need a comb?
A bald eagle.
Where does bird royalty live?
What kind of bird can carry the most weight?
What bird is helpful at dinner?
Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?
Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated!
What did the gamekeeper say to the lord of the manor?
'The pheasants are revolting'!
What is the definition of Robin?
A bird who steals!
How many cans does it take to make a bird?
What is a duck's favorite TV show?
The feather forecast!
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?
A bird that will talk you ear off!
What do you call a crate of ducks?
A box of quackers!
What is a hawks favorite show?
Bird "House of Cards".
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Toucan do it.
What do you get when you cross an owl and an oyster?
Pearls of Wisdom
What language do birds speak?
What do you call a duck on drugs?
What do you give a sick bird?
What's another name for a clever duck?
A wise quacker!
Which bird is always out of breath?
What's got six legs and can fly long distances?
How do you get a parrot to talk properly?
Send him to polytechnic!
Did you hear about the seabird that was friends with a black cat?
It was an albatross.
What did the Eagle say when he was cold?
Why do hummingbirds hum?
Because they forgot the words!
Where do birds invest their money?
In the stork market!
Where do blind sparrows go for treatment?
The Birds Eye counter!
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?
A bird that talks in morse code!
What do you get when you cross a country singer with a bird?
A Nashville warbler.
What do you get when you cross a canary and a lawnmower?
If there's 4 birds sitting on a fence and you get a gun and shoot one, how many are left?
0 birds are left because the rest fly away.
How do you know that owls are cleverer than chickens?
Have you ever heard of Kentucky-fried owl!
Which birds steal soap from the bath?
What kind of bird opens doors?
Why do seagulls live by the sea?
Because if they lived by the bay they would be a bagel.
What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?
What do owls sing when it is raining?
'Too wet to woo'!
What soap do birds use?
What do baby swans dance to?
Why do birds fly south?
Because it is to far to walk
What is Sarah Palins favorite bird?
The artic loon.